Reflections
by arrandomness
Summary: Sirius and Remus reflect on the end of October and beginning of November, 1981. Rated M for some language.


Author's Note: This is a one shot exploring a topic I personally haven't seen yet. (That doesn't mean there isn't one out there, I just haven't seen it, so I claim it as my own idea). POA briefly mentions that Sirius and Remus thought each other to be the spy. I'm going to explore through flashbacks how Peter was able to do that, and Sirius and Remus' reactions after they've found out. Plus a little more. Hope you like!

p.s. If things seem a little non-canon, ignore it and wait until the Author's Note at the bottom. And no, Remus and Sirius are not gay lovers. They're just good friends in need of a little comfort.

* * *

October 31, 1995 found Sirius Black, the last heir to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, sitting at the kitchen table of the house that earned its name, drinking as much alcohol as was non-fatal. Severus Snape walked by, sneering, and Sirius threw a bottle directly at the Potions Master, missing him by five feet. Unfortunately for Sirius, the bottle was not empty as he had presumed, and the clear liquid dribbled down the wall the bottle had collided with, pooling impressively on the floor. Next to pass through were Fred and George Weasley, who took a few pictures to serve as potential blackmail to their inpspiration and mentor. Nothing too serious, of course, but enough for the twins to persuade him to get them supplies without their mother finding out. The Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy followed the twins. Rather than doing the logical thing and helping the poor bastard, Albus Dumbledore simply shook his head and said, "Ah, Sirius. If only such a method for Vanishing grief were possible." He chuckled and left the room whistling.

The last person to come through knew the only way to deal with a drunk Sirius Black. This was Remus Lupin, who had knows Sirius all through school and beyond. When he walked into the kitchen and saw the black-haired man, he sighed, pulled out his wand, and silently stunned his friend.

He then levitated Sirius up to his childhood bedroom, pulled the covers off his bed, and deposited his friend between the sheets. He would come back in twelve hours to talk the escaped prisoner out of his funk.

Sirius woke up to someone pounding a sledgehammer into his head over and over again. He put his hands to his head to shield it, but the next blow bypassed his hands and hit his head again. Confused, he tried to open his eyes, only to be blinded by the candle sitting next to his bed. He rolled over and tried to sleep again.

"Oh, no you don't," came the deafening sound of Remus Lupin whispering quietly. "Sit up and drink this, dog."

Sirius mumbled incoherently. He pulled the pillow over his face to block out the sound and the light, only to have it pulled away immediately. He whined impressively, almost as good as a four year old girl could have. Remus sighed and pointed his wand at Sirius' face, thinking, "_Aguamenti_."

Coughing and sputtering, Sirius had a great (or so it seemed at the time) idea for revenge. He transformed into a big black dog, stood up and shook hard to rid himself of the water. It ended up going all over Remus, who shook his head as if in mourning, then cast a drying charm on himself. Sirius, however, had changed back into a man—a very upset man whose head hurt even more than before from the sudden movement. He squinted and glared at Remus as the same time, creating a look of extreme constipation. Remus laughed.

"Fuck off, Moony," Sirius supplied.

"Drink this," was Remus' reply. "You'll feel better."

"What happened last night?"

"You drunk yourself into a stupor."

Sirius downed the potion, and his head cleared instantly. "Much better. Why was I drinking?"

"Well, I was actually hoping you could tell me."

"I don't…I was thinking about James and Lily…"

"Ah. Thinking about them makes me want to drink sometimes, too."

"I was just trying to figure out how Wormtail tricked us all."

"Never forget who he was working for. Voldemort is a master at deception and breaking loyalties."  
"But Wormtail? Where did he learn to act?"

_"Pete! Howdy, stranger! How've you been lately? I haven't seen you in forever."_

_"I'm doing alright, I guess. I mean, there's a war going on, so I'm always scared I'll be the next one found dead, so I just stay at home when I'm not at Order meetings. Well, not like I'm on the front lines or anything, but since everyone knows I'm with you, well, not with you, that would be weird, but I'm friends with you, and so people might—"_

_"Hey, hey, slow down, buddy! It's not that bad. I mean, a lot of people are dying, which is really bad, but we'll get the bastard. Don't worry so much."_

_"I'm so scared, though, Padfoot. I—"he paused and his eyes darted around the room frantically. In a much quieter voice, he continued, "I think there's a leak in the Order."_

_"What? A leak?"_

_"Sirius, I think—I think it's Remus!"_

_"Moony? You're crazy and paranoid as ever, Wormtail." Sirius laughed. "There's no way in hell Remus would ever follow that crazy dipshit."_

_"But…he's a werewolf."_

_"And…? He's been a werewolf as long as we've known him. When has he ever given you a reason not to trust him?"_

_"Well, not in school, but once we got out…I'm sure you've heard the—You-Know-Who has started campaigning for werewolves. Promising to treat them as regular people. Maybe he thinks he could lead a better life."_

_"Yes, but Moony wouldn't go to him. He's too good for that."_

_"But where's he been lately? I haven't seen him in a while."_

_"You said it yourself. Everyone's afraid, so they stay at home. And he's got to stay in touch with other werewolves to act as a spy."_

_"What if he's double crossing us? Sirius, I don't want to die!"_

_"Peter, I'm one hundred percent positive that Remus is not a Death Eater."_

_"Okay, you're right, I know you are. I'm just so scared all the time lately. Thanks for talking it out of me. You're a real friend."_

_Sirius was confused; Peter never said anything like that. "No problem, Pete. Remus a spy? That's crazy talk."_

_"I know. Sorry. Well, I'll see you later."_

_"See you, Wormtail."_

_As Peter walked out the door and Apparated away, Sirius couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't seen Remus around as much as usual lately._

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Remus told Sirius. "He cam to see me right around that time to talk about you."

_"Moony? Remus? Can I talk to you for a minute?"_

_"Of course, Wormtail. What do you need?"_

_"You've heard there's a spy in the Order, right?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I think I know who it is."Peter whispered._

_"What? Why don't you go to Dumbledore?"_

_"Because then the spy will find out, and he'll come after me!"_

_"Dumbledore won't let anything get out. Who do you think it is?"_

_"Well, um, I think it might be, maybe, um—Sirius!"_

_"What? No, Wormtail. You're mistaken. Sirius would never do anything like that."_

_"But what about his family? Maybe they told him they'd un-disown him if he came back."_

_"Wormtail. You know how materialistic Sirius is. As in, not at all. If all he cared about was the money, he would never have been disowned in the first place. He would have gone back to his family as soon as the threat of disowning came up. And by the way, un-disown isn't a word."_

_"Whatever. But what if it was all a cover up? Maybe, pretend to be a Gryffindor, and we'll pretend to disown you, and you can spy for the Dark Lord."_

_"Absolutely not, Peter. I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one, and actually ask that you not go to Dumbledore. He'll think you're the spy."_

_Remus turned to take a drink of pumpkin juice, which was lucky for Peter since he blanched right then. Regaining his composure, he said, "I'm scared, Remus. He's been acting so different lately."_

_"Well, yes, two of his best friends and his godson are in danger of being murdered by a madman Dark Wizard. Of course he's acting differently. He's scared of what might happen."_

_"But…hm. I guess you're right. I don't know. I just really don't want to die, Moony!"_

_"You won't die. I promise you."_

_"Okay, thanks, Remus. I always know where to turn to when I need help. See you later."_

_"Goodbye, Peter."_

_Peter left through the Floo, calling out the name of his house as he went. Remus took another drink of his pumpkin juice, pondering the reasons why Sirius had indeed been acting different lately._

Remus, in a fit of rage very seldom seen, turned and punched a hole in the wall, yelling incoherently. Sirius managed to calm him down, with only a black eye to show for it. "How could he have fooled us so much?" Remus asked. "All the signs were there. If we had just talked to each other, then we could have figured out that fucking Wormtail was the spy, and Lily and James would still be alive."

"That was the whole idea though, Moony. He made sure to put the seeds of doubt in our heads, but by backtracking and telling us we were right, he just seemed like his old prarnoid self."

"I'm so sorry, Padfoot. I should have come to see you after it happened. Maybe I could have gotten you a trial."

"Well, what's done is done. We can't fix it now. We just have to kill the bastard all over again."

"I think it was still a stupid idea to make Wormtail the Secret Keeper. I mean, he was supposedly one of James' best friends, so they would find him eventually. And even if he wasn't a Death Eater, he would have cracked much easier than you."

"I know. But we were 20 years old. Completely naïve. The best choice would have been to make me James' Secret Keeper, and then put my house under the Fidelius Charm as well, with James or Lily the Secret Keeper."

"That's brilliant. Why didn't we think of that?"

"It took me twelve years sitting in Azkaban to come up with that."

"Whatever."

"God, I can even remember the day we switched to him. He was so happy about it."

_"James!" Sirius called up the stairs. "Prongs! Get down here. We need to talk!"_

_"Padfoot! How goes it? Harry, say, 'Hi' to Uncle Padfoot."James appeared at the top of the stairs, carrying his son._

_Harry sputtered adorably, and Sirius smiled indulgently at him. "Where's Lily? I need to talk you two."_

_"Lilian!"James shouted._

_"That's not my name!" Lily shouted back, but a smile could be heard in her voice. "I'll be right there."_

_She walked into the living room a minute later, drying her hands on a towel. "Hey, Sirius, James. Harry! There's my baby! Come see Mummy!"_

_Harry screeched delightedly at the sight of his mother, squirming until James gave him up. All three adults laughed at his antics._

_"So, Sirius, what do you need to talk to us about?" James asked._

_While James was relaxing, Sirius was doing the opposite. "I think you should change your Secret Keeper to Wormtail."_

_"Why? Are you planning on betraying us?"_

_"No, but listen to me. We've been best friends for ten years. Everyone in the whole world knows it. They also know I'd be the obvious choice for your Secret Keeper. What if they were able to capture me and get it out of me?"_

_"We trust you, Sirius." That was Lily this time. "We know you'd never give us up willingly, and the Secret can't be taken forcefully."_

_"I know, but…I'd just feel more comfortable with Wormtail being Secret Keeper. Nobody would ever expect it. So even if someone were to catch me, they'd be able to get nothing."_

_It took several more minutes, but Sirius managed to convince the Potters to change their Secret Keeper to Peter Pettigrew. They decided to do it right away. Sirius took the Floo over to Peter's house and brought him back over. Lily, being brilliant at Charms, cancelled the existing Fidelius Charm, and cast a new one, this time with Peter as Secret Keeper. Peter was ecstatic through the whole process, looking a little smug. Sirius wrote it off as being happy to be so included, to feel so important. After the Charm was finished, Peter let Sirius in on the Secret. They decided not to tell Remus, to keep the Secret with as few people as possible._

_The three remaining Potters and the honorary Potter retired into the house for dinner and relaxation, as the Charm was quite taxing on Lily. She went to bed soon after dinner, and James, Sirius and Harry stayed in the living room, playing Exploding Snap. Harry did rather well, despite his age and experience level. He was quite amused when the cards exploded in Uncle Padfoot's face, messing up his hair and covering his face in soot. Sirius retaliated by scooping the child into his arms and tickling him mercilessly, until they were both breathless with laughter. _

_After that, they allsat on the couch together, Sirius sprawled across it with his feet on James' lap, Harry on Sirius chest. "So, Prongs, Halloween's next week. What is Harry going to be dressed as this year?" Lily had introduced the wizards the the Muggle halloween customs of dressing in costumes and going Trick-or-Treat-ing. Last year, when Harry was just three months old, Lily had dressed him as a dragon, and walked around a nearby Muggle neighborhood with her three favorite boys, admiring all the young children having a blast. Obviously, they couldn't go out this year, if Sirius knew Lily (and he did, rather well), then Harry would be in a costume that night anyway._

_James laughed. "I think she's working on a lion. Complete with facepaint and everything."_

_"Oh, man. A Gryffindor already. Harry, your mother is going to smother you when you're older. Just wait for it."_

_Harry disputed his uncle's statement my spitting in his face. James thought this was hilarious, but Sirius didn't have enough energy left to do anything except wipe his face._

_None of them knew that Lily had woken up during the tickling war, and had been watching them for the past few minutes with an expression of total, indipsutable, unconditional love on her face._

"I wish we could go back to that time. I miss them so much!" Sirius' voice broke on the last word, and he cried for the first time in fourteen years.

Remus could do nothing but hold his friend while he sobbed, muttering soothing words, tears rolling down his own face. Once Sirius had calmed down, Remus asked hesitantly, "Can—can you tell me what happened that night? I've only heard Dumbledore's version, and you know how he glosses over unpleasantness."

"I don't want to relive that again."

"I know, but I need to hear it, and I think you need to talk about it. You obvioulsy haven't come to closure yet."

"Okay."

_Sirius jolted awake. Damn. He'd slept too long. He was due at the Potters' house in a few minutes for their mini-Hallowen Party. Then he realized that wasn't what had woken him. He knew in his gut that something was wrong with James. Wormtail! The Death Eaters must have gotten to him. He jumped out of bed, not even bothering to put robes on over his pajamas, and Apparated over to Wormtail's flat. When he got there, he went through the wards keyed to the Marauders and walked into the house. Something wasn't right here. "Wormtail?" he yelled. "Peter! Are you okay? Where are you?" He quickly cast the _Homenum Revelio_ spell, yeilding no results. Wormtail wasn't in the house. But there was no sign of a struggle. The door was perfectly intact, as were all the wards and other protective spells._

_Then it hit him. Wormtail was the spy! He sprinted out the door, to get out of reach of the wards and Apparated to James and Lily's cottage. The sight he found when he arrived knocked him to his knees, taking his breath away. Half of the side of the house was in rubble all around the ground, the front door was blasted off its hinges, and several pieces of wood and furniture were on fire. He was jolted out of his shocked state by the sound of his godson crying. He sprinted into the house, only to stop abruptly at the sight of his best friend lying on the ground. The tears started falling out of his eyes. He knelt next to the man who was more his brother than his own flesh and blood was, wiped the blood from the side of his face, and righted his glasses. Then Harry cried again and Sirius remembered what he needed to do. He promised the body of his friend that he'd return for him and walked up the rickety stairs._

_In Harry's bedroom was a horrible sight that would haunt him for the rest of his life. The body of Lord Voldemort, the most feared Dark Wizard of all time, lay on the ground, as if it had been smashed into the wall behind it. The dent in the wall supported this theory. On the other side of the room was Lily, crumpled on the floor in front of Harry's crib, her hair sprawled across the floor. This was enough to counteract any joy he might have felt at the Dark Lord's corpse. As he stared at the closest thing to a sister he'd ever known, Harry wailed once again, and Sirius snapped his head up. The small boy was standing at the edge of his crib, screaming now, reaching for his godfather. Sirius crossed the room swiftly and lifted him out of his bed. Fresh blood was smeared across his forehead and bed. Sirius cast a very low powered _Auguamenti_ on Harry's head, and wiped away the blood with this sleeve, revealing a cut on his head shaped like a lightning bolt. Sirius correctly concluded that Harry had been hit by the Killing Curse, and it had backfired, killing Voldemort. _

_The tears coming full force now, he rocked Harry in his arms and tried to figure out what to do. He finally decided to send a Patronus to Dumbledore, telling him what had happened. He tried to think of a happy memory, but it wasn't working. Then Harry shifted against him, and as Sirius felt the relief that Harry had survived, a large silver dog burst out of the end of his wand. He deposited his message to Dumbledore, then made a Portkey. He gathered James and Lily, used a Sticking Charm to attatch them to the Portkey, held Harry tight, and actvated the Portkey._

_They landed in the cemetery near Godric's Hollow. Sirius cast Muggle Repelling Charms all around him, along with a few other protective Charms. Then he conjured a blanket to wrap Harry in, and a shovel for himself. After making sure that Harry was comfortable, Sirius started digging two graves. He then conjured two boxes. He picked up James, his best friend in the world, hugged him very tight, and placed him in the box. He did the same with Lily, kissing her forehead before he put the lid on. Barely able to stand due to the tears, he Levitated the coffins into the graves, piling dirt on top. Then he conjured a marble slab,tracing into it the words,_

_JAMES POTTER LILY POTTER_

_BORN 27 MARCH, 1960 BORN 30 JANUARY, 1960_

_DIED 31 OCTOBER, 1981 DIED 31 OCTOBER 1981_

_Then, through his sobs, he choked out, "Goodbye, James. Goodbye, Lily. I love you." He picked up the now sleeping Harry and Apparated them to his flat._

"Oh, my God, Remus, it was terrible. I've never felt so horrible in my life." He started sobbing again, and Remus kept soothing him as best he could. "Hagrid came the next night and took Harry from me, and stupid fucking Dumbledore put him with those stupid fucking Muggles, and never did anything to make his life better. So I dealt with my grief the only way I could."

"By going after Peter."

"_Sirius!" Sirius turned from where he was walking, and got a shock. All the oxygen left his lungs, his vision got blurry, and all he could think was _Kill. Rat.

"_You!"_

"_Lily and James, Sirius? How could you?"_

_What Wormtail had just said processed in the back of his mind. But he didn't understand why he was saying it. He could see Peter reaching for his wand, so he went for his, too. But instead of his wand, Peter pulled out a knife. Screwing up his face, he chopped off his right index finger. Then he really did pull out his wand, pointed it behind his back and yelled, "Reducto!"All the Muggles in the street sceramed, and a dozen or so fell in the huge crater Peter had just created. Then Wormtail smirked evilly at Sirius, transformed into the rat he was, and fled down the sewer._

_Now Sirius understood. Wormtail had tracked him down, in a street filled with witnesses, so he could try to frame Sirius for the Potters' murders. Only four people knew that Peter was the Secret Keeper. Two of them were dead, one betrayed the other three, and who in hell was going to believe Sirius? Then, by disappearing and leaving his finger, Peter set it up so that it looked like Sirius was tying up loose by grief and not believing that stupid little Peter Pettigrew had tricked them all, he threw his head back and started laughing._

_He was still laughing when the Aurors from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement arrived to take him to Azkaban._

"I'm so sorry, Padfoot. I should have gone to visit you. I'd have known you weren't lying."

"It's okay. It's not like you had any reason to believe I was innocent, what with all the evidence Pettigrew left."

"I'm still sorry."

"Say, why didn't you take Harry away from Lily's sister?"

"I tried. Dumbledore wouldn't let me."

_Remus gave the password to Dumbledore's office and walked up the stairs. After knocking and receiving permission to enter, he walked inside._

"_Albus."_

"_Remus. To what do I owe this pleasure."_

"_I'd like custody of Harry Potter."_

"_I'm very sorry, Remus, but I've already placed him with his aunt and uncle. They will take care of him."_

"_With all due respect, Professor, I've met Petunia. At Lily and James' wedding. She despises magic and everything to do with it. And I know that since the wedding, Lily and Petunia got in a terrible argument, and haven't spoken to each other in almost two years. According to James, Petunia didn't even want to get to know her nephew."_

"_I left a letter with young Harry, which explains to Mr. and Mrs. Dursley why they are the best guardians."_

"_Are they going to tell him about magic?"_

"_I've asked them to inform him when he gets old enough."_

"_Can I please raise him? He's the son of two of my best friends."_

"_But it's best for him if he grows up away from the Wizarding World and all the attention he would have on him."_

"_I'll take him away. We'll move to America."_

"_You turn into a dangerous werewolf once a month."_

"_I'll get a babysitter."_

"_Every full moon? Even Muggles will get suspicious."_

"_Superstisious girlfriend who likes going out on the full moon."_

"_I'm sorry, Remus, but Harry is safest at the Dursleys' house. I put special wards and protective spells on the house that will protect him until he's seventeen."_

"_Please, professor, I want Harry to live with me."_

"_Remus, I have nothing more to say on the subject."_

_Seeing the dismissal, Remus got up and left, making sure to close the door extra hard on his way out._

"The spent the next week making a plan. I got fake identities for myself and a one year old boy, bought plane tickets, and planned to take Harry away from the Dursleys and to America. I got there in the middle of the night, but there were wards that prevented me from getting on to the property. Dumbledore went out of his way to make sure I didn't get to Harry."

"Fucking asshole."

"He thinks he knows what's best for everyone. Just because he's 200 years old."

"Too bad he's smart. It would be a lot easier to hate him if he didn't know how to beat Voldemort."

"Yeah. So, what were you doing again last night?"

"Drinking myself into oblivion."

"Sounds like a good idea."

"Let's do it."

* * *

Author's Note: Yeah, it's not the greatest ending. Also, I know Hagrid was the one to pull Harry out the house, but I wanted to have Sirius find them. Besides, Harry didn't show up at the Dursley's until the night after James and Lily were killed; otherwise, why would McGonagall have been watching the Dursleys? Anyway, Please read and review. That would make me really happy!


End file.
